I love how you look so cute all the time. I love how you always care about how you look, like me. I love how when you say you look a mess, you look even sexier than normal. I love how you still think your fat when your just perfect. I love how you're so tall it makes me feel like one of those pretty petite girls. I love how when you hug me, it feels safe, warm and makes the shit feelings go away, I stop thinking about everything that makes me want to kill myself every second of the day, it makes me happy for just a few seconds, then you let go and all those shit feelings come rushing back.
I'm sorry. That's just how I feel.
Monday, 28 November 2011
Saturday, 19 November 2011
House Party
Awesome house party last night.
Met up with my mates Emma and Bobbie and we got extremely hyper on Monster, made a vlog and met up with everyone else in town.
Got to Emma’s and I managed to stay pretty much sober most of the night. Bit tipsy and off balance for a bit, but I remember it all :) Loooads of unconscious people and sick everywhere. Police knocked on the door asking us to ‘watch our language’…..Yes, you read it right. Nope, not asking us to turn the music down, not asking about all the underage drinking, smoking and sex, not about the drugs, our language…..
Anyways, slept on my mates bedroom floor in my clothes and woke up feeling very sore. Damn wooden floors -.- (she doesn’t have a bed :P)
The only downside is that I saw the guy I ‘used’ to like making out with his girlfriend pretty much all night, and the guy I currently like getting dragged through the hole in the fence to a part where you can’t really see anyone. He claimed nothing happened, but he was pretty pissed. I’m kinda okay with it though. Just giving up on guys for a while me thinks.
Anyways, helped her clear up a bit and then we went into town and got a MacDonald’s.
Now I’m home, stinking of smoke, weed, and alcohol.
Met up with my mates Emma and Bobbie and we got extremely hyper on Monster, made a vlog and met up with everyone else in town.
Got to Emma’s and I managed to stay pretty much sober most of the night. Bit tipsy and off balance for a bit, but I remember it all :) Loooads of unconscious people and sick everywhere. Police knocked on the door asking us to ‘watch our language’…..Yes, you read it right. Nope, not asking us to turn the music down, not asking about all the underage drinking, smoking and sex, not about the drugs, our language…..
Anyways, slept on my mates bedroom floor in my clothes and woke up feeling very sore. Damn wooden floors -.- (she doesn’t have a bed :P)
The only downside is that I saw the guy I ‘used’ to like making out with his girlfriend pretty much all night, and the guy I currently like getting dragged through the hole in the fence to a part where you can’t really see anyone. He claimed nothing happened, but he was pretty pissed. I’m kinda okay with it though. Just giving up on guys for a while me thinks.
Anyways, helped her clear up a bit and then we went into town and got a MacDonald’s.
Now I’m home, stinking of smoke, weed, and alcohol.
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
Monday, 14 November 2011
Friday, 11 November 2011
More Confusion
I feel like I need to write something, but I'm not sure what.
I spoke to him today, but it was just like, 'you okay?' and 'what lesson you got now?'. So I feel kinda pathetic. I dunno why. I just don't stop thinking about him. Cliché, but he is the first thing I think about in the morning and he is the last thing I think about at night.
I spoke to him today, but it was just like, 'you okay?' and 'what lesson you got now?'. So I feel kinda pathetic. I dunno why. I just don't stop thinking about him. Cliché, but he is the first thing I think about in the morning and he is the last thing I think about at night.
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
The pattern
Okay, so whenever I don't see him, I feel happy when I get home.
But when I do see him, it reminds me how much I like him, and then I miss him so much when he is gone.
So I know I shouldn't see him if it makes me feel this way, but I don't want to not see him. Forget about the whole crush, and he is a really good mate. I don't want to loose him as a friend. I just have to get over him.
Even if I don't want to...
But when I do see him, it reminds me how much I like him, and then I miss him so much when he is gone.
So I know I shouldn't see him if it makes me feel this way, but I don't want to not see him. Forget about the whole crush, and he is a really good mate. I don't want to loose him as a friend. I just have to get over him.
Monday, 7 November 2011
ARGHHHHHHHHH!
Okay, so I'm so confused. So I'm just gonna write my thoughts down.
Well, I'm in love with a guy who has a girlfriend, and he's flirting with me. Mixed signals, argh. I was talking to my brothers girlfriend, and she made me see that he is a bit of a prick. He's flirting with me, telling me I'm fit, and all behind his girlfriends back.
I can't help it, even though he is a prick, I just fucking love him so much.
Every time I see him at school, he smiles at me. He had the cutest smile. And when I hug him, it just feels right. Safe. Warm. It makes me happy. It just feels right. ARGHHHHHHHH! I don't know what to do.
He keeps asking when I'm going to Kettering again. I can only go Fridays, and thats when he is at his girlfriends. I just really want to see him outside of school again, so we can talk. I don't want to tell him that I'm secretly madly in love with him, at all. I just want to see him. Even if he is a prick. So what?I love him.
I really didn't want to get too hung up on him from the very start, but it really just made things much worse. It's like when someone tells you that you can't have something, you want it even more.
..It's a horrible feeling..
Well, I'm in love with a guy who has a girlfriend, and he's flirting with me. Mixed signals, argh. I was talking to my brothers girlfriend, and she made me see that he is a bit of a prick. He's flirting with me, telling me I'm fit, and all behind his girlfriends back.
I can't help it, even though he is a prick, I just fucking love him so much.
Every time I see him at school, he smiles at me. He had the cutest smile. And when I hug him, it just feels right. Safe. Warm. It makes me happy. It just feels right. ARGHHHHHHHH! I don't know what to do.
He keeps asking when I'm going to Kettering again. I can only go Fridays, and thats when he is at his girlfriends. I just really want to see him outside of school again, so we can talk. I don't want to tell him that I'm secretly madly in love with him, at all. I just want to see him. Even if he is a prick. So what?
I really didn't want to get too hung up on him from the very start, but it really just made things much worse. It's like when someone tells you that you can't have something, you want it even more.
..It's a horrible feeling..
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