24-September-2011.
So basically, i feel wierd.
Last night I went Westies (park in Kettering) with my mate, and we met up with a load of people. One stood out. [not posting his name]. My first thought (when I saw him walking round school) was no way, but once he starts talking and you get to know him a bit more, he is really cute. It was still light and we were lying down on the hill with everyone, and I can't remember how exactly, but my mate said I told her I liked him in MacDonalds (which is true), and he said I was gorgeous. My heart literally skipped a beat. No guy had ever told me that before, so it felt good that someone actually thought that.
The night went on and it started getting darker. We switched jackets, so he wore my blue hoodie, and I wore his shirt. After a while, we switched back again. I took one of the rings he had on his finer off of him, and tried it on. For once I felt small cause it didn't fit. Then I put it back on him and his exact words were ' :o yes I will marry you' This made me giggle.
It started to get cold too, so he started to hug me. This went on for ages. We kept hugging, like, proper hugging. We sat in the emo hut and cuddled, and there was a little flirting going on and we exchanged numbers.
A bit later he got off and he stood in front of me (I was sitting on the edge), and he put my legs around him and hugged me. So my legs were wrapped around him and he started to hug me. I got off and he hugged me from behind. Then he sat on the slide, so I sat on top of him. We stood up and he hugged me from behind again and his head was on my neck, lips pressed against it (I think), he didn't kiss my neck though. He had a top on that said 'You can't touch this' and he said to me in front of everyone else 'You can though' and the smiled at me.
Then he went and sat on his own across the park a bit, so my mate told me to go, so I did and I sat with him on the edge. We talked for a bit about school (we both go to Brooke Weston) and then we looked up at the sky. He told me a load of stuff about the stars, cause he had been doing about that in Physics, and he showed me a galaxy and the Milky way. He offered to walk me to my car when my mum picked me up, but we saw his mate stood outside the gate infront of us, so we both lay down on the platform of the climbing frame, my head on top of his chest. And then his mate came in and started talking to him. They were talking about the band they are in, and I got a text off my mum saying she was at Macdonalds ready to pick me up. I walked away (Him and his mate following me) and me, my mate, his mate and my mates boyfriend said bye to everyone but when I said bye to him, he gave me a really big, romantic hug.
That is all that happened. I can't stop thinking about him. It's more complicated than it sounds though. He has a girlfriend. I didn't meet her though. He is going to a party tonight and getting pissed, and most likely fucking everything with a pulse. I can't stand that thought.
He was really nice to everyone that night, but it seemed that he was being especially nice to me. I don't know if he likes me, but it kinda seems like he does. But I'm probably wrong. I'm just not used to guys being nice
to me. I have never been treated like that before by any guy. I hate these feelings. I can't wait until Monday to come so I can see him in school.
10-October-2011
Well. I can't stand this. I hate it.
The other day at school he had to do a performance for his GCSE, where he played the bass. Me and my mates went down and watched him, and half way through, he looked up and saw me, then sort of smiled to himself. He looked sorta happy to see me there. When he finished, I said well done and stuff but then I had to go back to my lesson.
The next day my mate was back cause she was off ill, and we went and sat with a group of our mates, and him, in the morning and we got onto the conversation of him and his girlfriend. He said somehow that she was really annoying him at the moment. But no, they are still together. I am jealous, but I don't want them to break up because of me. It's not like they would anyway, cause she is way prettier than me.
I tried my hardest not to get so caught up over him, like I do with a lot of people, but it just made it worse to be honest. I can't stand this anymore. Being single. Never have having a boyfriend in my life. It's really depressing.
Every time I see him online, I really want to talk to him, but I know if I do, it will just make it much worse. I wouldn't know what to say anyway, and I would probably just fuck the situation up even more.
20-October-2011
So basically, I think I have moved on....I don't know though cause I keep thinking it's cause I haven't seen him in a while, and when I do see him, all those shit feeling will come back.
7-November-2011
Okay, we had a conversation last night, and he was flirting with me. He told me he thinks I'm fit. I fucking love him so much.....
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